You say one thing, but....

Well well well. I knew this would bite me in the butt. I few weeks ago (maybe even a month now) before I decided to swear off dieting, dating and exercise, my cousin tried to set me up with one of her coworkers. He was supposed to look me up on facebook and read my profile but because my security setting are so high that didn't really work. So I waited (and looked him up - his profile is quite public). Cute but perhaps a little young. 24 to my 28, so 4 years my junior. Right there I feel uncertain about the situation. I've never really dated younger! Guys like that usually only look for the quick and dirty relationships not the long loving lasting ones, which is all I'm interested in right now (should the opportunity present itself).

So he never got to see my profile. My cousin assured me he "said" he was still interested but too shy to contact me. I said I didn't mind adding him to my facebook and sending a message. I'm not that shy sometimes... especially when you got nothing to lose online. So I added him. He accepted. I sent a mini "Hello, nice to meet you message". That was a week ago. After 4 days of no reply I sent a message to my cousin and said that I didn't think he was interested but what I really thought was, " He's seen my profile pictures and though holy COW; literally!" My cousin agreed that actions speak louder than words and the "no reply " was a sign that he wasn't interested. She promised me she would stop harassing him lol.

But low and behold a message pops up into my facebook mail not 15 minutes ago. What do we have, but a short little message from Mr. Shy himself saying , "Sorry it took so long..... been out of town.... no Internet....we will definitely chat soon." What does that mean?

So what to do? I don't know. On one hand I really shouldn't over look any potential dates. On the other hand I just pretty much vowed to give up that scene. I think what's really wrong is that I'm scared to put myself out there. I really don't want to be rejected... again. I keep thinking, "Is this going to be the last nail in the coffin (so to speak) of my dating life. But maybe I do need this final rejection so finally get it in my head that I DON"T need a man in my life. I CAN be happy alone!

Still undecided... sitting on the fence.

Continuing to reconnect with others

Today was a pretty good day! I'm having some tiredness issues still. I say still but this is the first I write of it lol! She here's the deal...... I seem to sleep well on Friday nights but not so great during the week, when I know I have to work the next day. I find it incredibly difficult to get up in the morning. I don't think I'm getting the deep REM sleep I need at night. I also get an eye twitch which I attribute to this sleep depravity as well as stress. I don't feel particularly stressed but apparently my body feels differently! Anyways, I am attempting to ensure I get to bed at a decent hour!

Tonight I was fortunate enough to join some friends for a wonderful Italian Dinner. We all attended a local union meeting. Supper was free and laughs were abundant. It has been a while since many of us have gotten together like that. It's nice to chat about work, good and bad. We are all such positive people and always try to look on the brighter side of life. It really makes me feel blessed to work with these people! My wish is that everyone be this lucky!

Lately I have been trying to reconnect with old friends. Yesterday I went to the local bingo with a few and we had a blast! I got to catch up on all the gossip and re establish some bonds at the same time. Since I am deciding to let go of this inane need to find a mate, I feel it necessary to strengthen these bonds of friendship. I don't want to be home alone, afraid to call up a friend because it's been so long since we talked that it would be awkward. This past weekend I also connected with a friend, who for some reason I had stopped calling. I made a point of giving her a call to get together and I'm very happy I did. We had a great time which included dinner, a great dessert and a few glasses of wine!! There's no better way to catch up!

So life feels a little less lonely right now! It's nice to know people are out there. You just can't be afraid to make that awkward first call and reconnect!

First attempt at the blogging scene!

Wow what a vast and empty space this seems right now. I feel like I'm speaking to thin air.... almost like I'm back at work! lol

I almost erased that and started over again but hey, its a blog, aren't I supposed to write whats on my mind?

Here's the plan. I decided to start blogging for my own benefit. I think letting things out at the end of the day through writing will probably be cathartic and quite the de-stresser.

I'm 28, single, and own my own home. I have a wonderful dog named Cuddy who keeps me company and acts as my personal home alarm system. He's great company and I love him dearly. I am extremely fortunate to live close to my immediate family. I am a 15 min walk or 3 min drive from my parents and my brother's places. I have a great career that I love. It keeps me on my toes and there is never a dull day.

I have everything I could ever need, and feel very blessed to have the life I do. The one thing that I would like would be to meet someone, but what I think I would like better, would be to feel like I don't need to feel that way. I hate how I have such a fantastic life but somehow feel inadequate because I'm still single. Why do I need a man to feel whole or complete. Everything seems to be within my power to achieve except for finding a soul mate. And If you asked my parents they would say I did everything "right" meaning: I got an education, I got my dream job, paid off some debt and now own my own house. But I think even in their eyes it's just not enough. Like I'm disappointing them. Falling in love, getting married and having kids are not things I can simply go and do. I'm getting older, I'm outspoken, too independent and overweight. It just seems impossible.... SO I've decided to give up.

This summer I refuse to focus on men, relationships, weight loss, dieting, exercising. Screw it! I'm going to forget it all. I want to have fun, plant a garden, do some renos in the house, read incredibly smutty romance novels, relax at the cottage, sleep in, watch some good movies, reconnect with old friends, maybe do some light travelling, and not worry about a single thing. THAT'S IT! I want to STOP caring about being alone. I want to be comfortable in the knowledge that I'm alone and that I may be that way forever and I want to be OK with that!

Time for bed.

A demain!